This is a weird one. We are to write:
A horror story framed as a spam email.
Take that assignment, run with it as you see fit.
How scary can you make a spam mail? That’s the challenge.
I’d keep it to the shorter side — 500 words or so.
Post at your online space.
It’s supposed to contain the bad writing of spam emails. I don’t know if I’ve done the art form justice, but here it is.
WE REGRET TO INFORM YOU
We regret to inform you cannot collect your funds because you are dead.
It is of great concern we send you this official letter from Orrick, Herrington & Sutcliffe LLP who has been delegated to pay all American citizens who has lost huge amounts of money in the process of claiming their respective inheritance funds from the United Kingdom, Asia and Africa.
After our investigations it was revealed that you were to receive a two million inheritance from a Mrs. Elana Bango, recently deceased, whom having no heirs, decided to name you as sole beneficiary of her estate because she liked your email address.
Additionally our investigations found that there are evil flying monkeys who collude with bank staffs to defraud beneficiaries such as yourself of their sums. One of these evil flying monkeys residing inside of his smoke was traced to a Mr. Sean Bradford from Boston, Massachusetts, USA. Under the influence of said evil flying monkey, he stated that you are dead. Is this true? Mr. Bradford forwarded some vital documents regarding the funeral service held for you as proof of your deceasement. He is in the process of collecting the two million dollar inheritance based on these documents.
Also, we have determined that Mr. Bradford is in the process of shutting off all your credit cards, bank accounts, and services to your home. Additionally, he has informed the your mortgage company of your death, so foreclosure of your home is imminent.
It is the duty in the particular person defrauded to provide proof of life. We will send a particular Dorrie Kass, a zombie, who possesses knowledge of evil flying monkeys, to attest upon viewing you at your home that you are alive and well. Additionally, please put into place appropriate protections to keep the evil flying monkeys from asserting their claim of your death by making it so. Please ignore Dorrie Kass speech in this matter because even though he is an excellent witness, he can only say the word “brains.” Also please forgive any gnawing on your body parts as this is part of the process. We have enclosed a photograph to help you identify him when he comes to your home.
To collect your two million dollars, send us your name, address and bank information so we can start proving that you are alive to our zombie witness so we can release your funds to you.
Orrin Orrick, Attorney
Photo published under a Creative Commons license from user Kevin Dooley