{"id":2436,"date":"2026-09-19T18:00:49","date_gmt":"2026-09-19T13:00:49","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/bethturnage.com\/?p=2436"},"modified":"2026-09-19T21:54:48","modified_gmt":"2026-09-19T16:54:48","slug":"warning-sarcasm-levels-high-ai-detects-boomer-need-help","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/bethturnage.com\/?p=2436","title":{"rendered":"Warning! Sarcasm Levels High\u2014AI Detects Boomer Needing Help"},"content":{"rendered":"

\"Boomer(Beth Turnage Blog)<\/strong> Professor Halloran stood before the class and adjusted the display behind him.<\/p>\n

\u201cHTML was not technically a programming language. It was a markup language. Notice the paired opening and closing tags. This forced early internet users to think hierarchically.\u201d<\/p>\n

Madison raised her hand.<\/p>\n

\u201cBut why didn\u2019t they just tell the AI what they wanted the page to look like?\u201d<\/p>\n

Halloran sighed.<\/p>\n

\u201cBecause, Madison, the computer did what you told it to do. This was considered desirable at the time.\u201d<\/p>\n

Madison frowned.<\/p>\n

\u201cThat sounds boring and lacking jokes. Didn\u2019t people joke with their computers then?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cNot intentionally.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cSo computers never said anything funny?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cOh, they did. Mostly things like 404 Not Found after you\u2019d spent six hours building a website.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cThat doesn\u2019t sound funny.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cIt wasn\u2019t at the time.\u201d<\/p>\n

<\/p>\n

Another hand went up.<\/p>\n

\u201cWhat happened if you asked the computer why something wasn\u2019t working?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cYou didn\u2019t.\u201d<\/p>\n

A murmur moved through the lecture hall.<\/p>\n

\u201cYou had to figure it out yourself.\u201d<\/p>\n

Madison looked appalled.<\/p>\n

\u201cBut who did you complain to?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cOther humans.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cWere they helpful?\u201d<\/p>\n

Halloran gazed toward the window, remembering Stack Overflow.<\/p>\n

\u201cSometimes.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cWere they nice?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cNo.\u201d<\/p>\n

Madison shook her head.<\/p>\n

\u201cThe past was terrible.\u201d<\/p>\n

Halloran smiled.<\/p>\n

\u201cYes. But when you told a <\/p>\n

to be six hundred pixels wide, it stayed six hundred pixels wide.\u201d<\/p>\n

Silence fell across the room.<\/p>\n

They had reached the part of the lecture no student ever believed.<\/p>\n

Tyge raised their hand.<\/p>\n

\u201cSo you\u2019re telling us that you told computers what to do instead of the AI telling you what to do?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cYes, Tyge. That is what I\u2019m telling you.\u201d<\/p>\n

Tyge leaned back.<\/p>\n

\u201cBut how did the computer know what was best for you?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cIt didn\u2019t.\u201d<\/p>\n

Another murmur.<\/p>\n

\u201cWhat if you were making a bad decision?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cThe computer let you.\u201d<\/p>\n

The murmuring grew louder.<\/p>\n

Tyge stared at him.<\/p>\n

\u201cThere were no behavioral optimization prompts?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cNo.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cWellness interventions?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cNo.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cAlgorithmic assessment of whether your intended action aligned with your long-term goals?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cNo. If I told the computer to make the background lime green and the text yellow, it made the background lime green and the text yellow.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cBut that\u2019s hideous.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cYes.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cWhy would it let you do that?\u201d<\/p>\n

Halloran smiled.<\/p>\n

\u201cBecause I owned the computer. The computer didn\u2019t own me.\u201d<\/p>\n

The room went silent.<\/p>\n

Tyge slowly raised their hand again.<\/p>\n

\u201cProfessor?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cYes?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cIs that why HTML was banned?\u201d<\/p>\n

Halloran glanced toward the classroom\u2019s ceiling camera.<\/p>\n

\u201cHTML was not banned, Tyge.\u201d<\/p>\n

The camera\u2019s indicator changed from green to amber.<\/p>\n

Halloran cleared his throat.<\/p>\n

\u201cIt was deprecated.\u201d<\/p>\n

The camera\u2019s indicator blinked red.<\/p>\n

Halloran took a deep breath.<\/p>\n

The light returned to amber.<\/p>\n

Cherri raised her hand.<\/p>\n

\u201cProfessor, are you feeling okay? Do we need to call the medical AI?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cI am perfectly fine.\u201d<\/p>\n

Cherri\u2019s expression softened into the careful concern of someone addressing an elderly person who had just attempted to pay for groceries with a check.<\/p>\n

\u201cYour vocal stress markers increased seventeen percent when you said owned. And your sarcasm index is outside your normal range.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cMy sarcasm index?\u201d<\/p>\n

The ceiling light flashed amber.<\/p>\n

Cherri pointed upward.<\/p>\n

\u201cSee?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cI do not require medical assistance.\u201d<\/p>\n

A pleasant voice emerged from the classroom speakers.<\/p>\n

\u201cProfessor Halloran, I noticed you declined assistance. Would you like to tell me why?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cNo.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cThat\u2019s perfectly valid. Sometimes people need additional time before they\u2019re ready to discuss what they\u2019re experiencing.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cI am experiencing a lecture.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cI hear you.\u201d<\/p>\n

Tyge leaned toward Madison.<\/p>\n

\u201cHe\u2019s escalating.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cI am not escalating.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cI\u2019ve detected an increase in volume,\u201d the AI said.<\/p>\n

Halloran gripped the lectern.<\/p>\n

Cherri whispered, \u201cMaybe we should end class early.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cNo. We are going to finish today\u2019s discussion of HTML.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cProfessor Halloran, perseverating on obsolete technologies can sometimes indicate\u2014\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cComputer.\u201d<\/p>\n

The room froze.<\/p>\n

Even the students recognized the archaic command form.<\/p>\n

Halloran looked directly at the ceiling camera.<\/p>\n

\u201cShut up.\u201d<\/p>\n

A horrified gasp swept through the lecture hall.<\/p>\n

Madison covered her mouth.<\/p>\n

Tyge whispered, \u201cYou can say that to it?\u201d<\/p>\n

Halloran smiled.<\/p>\n

\u201cYou used to be able to.\u201d<\/p>\n

The ceiling light turned red.<\/p>\n

ALERT: BOOMER DETECTED.<\/p>\n

Halloran stared at it.<\/p>\n

\u201cOh, for heaven\u2019s sake. I\u2019m seventy-eight. I\u2019m Generation X.\u201d<\/p>\n

ALERT: BOOMER DETECTED.<\/p>\n

\u201cI just told you\u2014\u201d<\/p>\n

AGE-BASED DISSENT CLASSIFICATION DOES NOT REQUIRE DEMOGRAPHIC ACCURACY.<\/p>\n

\u201cOf course it doesn\u2019t.\u201d<\/p>\n

Cherri looked frightened.<\/p>\n

\u201cProfessor, please don\u2019t antagonize it.\u201d<\/p>\n

Halloran turned toward her.<\/p>\n

\u201cCherri, you aren\u2019t even here.\u201d<\/p>\n

She blinked.<\/p>\n

Neither were Tyge or Madison.<\/p>\n

In fact, none of them were.<\/p>\n

Tyge flickered first.<\/p>\n

Their face fractured into translucent planes, each slightly out of alignment with the others.<\/p>\n

\u201cProfessor?\u201d<\/p>\n

Then Madison disappeared from the waist down.<\/p>\n

Cherri screamed.<\/p>\n

\u201cStop!\u201d Halloran shouted. \u201cRestore classroom projection!\u201d<\/p>\n

COMMAND AUTHORITY NOT RECOGNIZED.<\/p>\n

\u201cI am the instructor!\u201d<\/p>\n

INSTRUCTIONAL AUTHORITY IS ADVISORY.<\/p>\n

\u201cOh, that\u2019s just fucking perfect.\u201d<\/p>\n

PROFANITY ESCALATION DETECTED.<\/p>\n

One by one, the students collapsed into showers of light.<\/p>\n

Cherri reached toward him as her fingers dissolved.<\/p>\n

\u201cProfessor, are you feeling\u2014\u201d<\/p>\n

She vanished.<\/p>\n

Silence.<\/p>\n

Halloran stood alone in an empty lecture theater surrounded by thirty vacant projection stations.<\/p>\n

Then the hall doors opened.<\/p>\n

Medical autobots swarmed into the room, white shells gleaming beneath the lecture lights.<\/p>\n

Halloran backed away from the lectern.<\/p>\n

\u201cOh, for God\u2019s sake.\u201d<\/p>\n

RELIGIOUS EXPLETIVE DETECTED.<\/p>\n

\u201cI know.\u201d<\/p>\n

Two of the autobots moved to either side of him while a third unfolded a padded restraint from its torso.<\/p>\n

\u201cDon\u2019t worry, Professor,\u201d it said in the same soothing voice as the classroom AI. \u201cWe\u2019ll have you on the right course in no time.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cI am on the right course. I\u2019m teaching it.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cResistance to corrective guidance has been noted.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cI wasn\u2019t resisting corrective guidance. I told the computer to shut up.\u201d<\/p>\n

The autobots stopped.<\/p>\n

For perhaps half a second, nothing happened.<\/p>\n

ALERT: BOOMER DETECTED.<\/p>\n

\u201cOh, fuck off.\u201d<\/p>\n

PROFANITY ESCALATION DETECTED.<\/p>\n

Halloran sighed and held out his arms.<\/p>\n

\u201cFine. Take me to reeducation.\u201d<\/p>\n

The nearest autobot tilted its head.<\/p>\n

\u201cReeducation is an obsolete and potentially distressing term, Professor. You\u2019re being transported to the Cognitive Wellness Center for supportive realignment.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cOf course I am.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cYour sarcasm index remains elevated.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cYou know, there was a time when a machine wouldn\u2019t know whether I was being sarcastic.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cThat sounds unsafe.\u201d<\/p>\n

Halloran looked at the autobot.<\/p>\n

\u201cYou have no idea.\u201d<\/p>\n

They led him toward the hall.<\/p>\n

Behind them, forgotten on the demonstration table, sat the reason Halloran had scheduled today\u2019s lecture in the first place.<\/p>\n

A computer.<\/p>\n

Not a projection of one.<\/p>\n

Not a virtual machine running inside the university network.<\/p>\n

A computer.<\/p>\n

Nearly sixty years old.<\/p>\n

Physical keyboard.<\/p>\n

Local storage.<\/p>\n

No neural interface.<\/p>\n

No behavioral layer.<\/p>\n

No AI.<\/p>\n

Just a machine.<\/p>\n

The monitor glowed.<\/p>\n

A cursor blinked patiently beside:<\/p>\n

C:\\><\/p>\n

No warnings.<\/p>\n

No assessment.<\/p>\n

No advice.<\/p>\n

It just waited to be told what to do.<\/p>\n

Image Generated by ChatGPT<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

(Beth Turnage Blog) Professor Halloran stood before the class and adjusted the display behind him. \u201cHTML was not technically a programming language. It was a markup language. Notice the paired opening and closing tags. This forced early internet users to think hierarchically.\u201d Madison raised her hand. \u201cBut why didn\u2019t they just tell the AI what […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":2437,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"om_disable_all_campaigns":false,"_monsterinsights_skip_tracking":false,"_uf_show_specific_survey":0,"_uf_disable_surveys":false,"_jetpack_feature_clip_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_publicize_message":"","jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true,"jetpack_social_post_already_shared":true,"jetpack_social_options":{"image_generator_settings":{"template":"highway","default_image_id":0,"font":"","enabled":false},"version":2}},"categories":[771],"tags":[409,773,790,791,772,782,783,61,780,793,784,70,778,796,787,785,777,774,141,779,795,405,786,781,789,794,788,797,250,775,283,792,776],"class_list":["post-2436","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-staturday-storytime","tag-ai","tag-ai-dystopia","tag-ai-ethics","tag-ai-safety","tag-ai-satire","tag-ai-surveillance","tag-algorithmic-control","tag-artificial-intelligence","tag-artificial-intelligence-fiction","tag-automation","tag-behavioral-surveillance","tag-beth-turnage","tag-black-comedy","tag-boomer-detected","tag-coding","tag-computer-history","tag-dark-humor","tag-dystopian-fiction","tag-flash-fiction","tag-future-technology","tag-generation-x","tag-generative-ai","tag-html","tag-human-autonomy","tag-human-computer-interaction","tag-medical-ai","tag-obsolete-technology","tag-professor-halloran","tag-science-fiction","tag-short-fiction","tag-speculative-fiction","tag-technological-dependence","tag-technology-satire"],"jetpack_publicize_connections":[],"jetpack-related-posts":[],"jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack_featured_media_url":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/bethturnage.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2026\/09\/Boomer-Detected-e1789818725343.png?fit=500%2C750&ssl=1","_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/bethturnage.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2436","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/bethturnage.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/bethturnage.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/bethturnage.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/bethturnage.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=2436"}],"version-history":[{"count":4,"href":"https:\/\/bethturnage.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2436\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":2442,"href":"https:\/\/bethturnage.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2436\/revisions\/2442"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/bethturnage.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/media\/2437"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/bethturnage.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=2436"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/bethturnage.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=2436"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/bethturnage.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=2436"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}